it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
