when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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