My hair reeks of homosexuality.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
