from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
