he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
sex in a hospital.. check
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
