is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
