honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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