i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
