That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
