So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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