You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
