She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
