had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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