im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
