You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
