I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
