apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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