the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
