If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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