You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
