Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is classic penis vs brain.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
