I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
