i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
