Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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