we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
