she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
