These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
