Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
