Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
