Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
