Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
honey bunches of taint.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
