'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this boner is exhausting
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
