I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize