the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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