you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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