We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
