Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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