WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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