woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
