I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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