kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
