you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
