Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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