Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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