she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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