The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
