No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
