I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
