Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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