I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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