i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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