just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
