Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
