his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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