im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
