Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
