I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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