I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
