no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize