you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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