he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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