party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
