Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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