honey bunches of taint.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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