found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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