Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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