is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
