the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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