Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
