i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
