the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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