I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
