His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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