It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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