Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
