my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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