Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
