Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
