i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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